2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
