so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
