Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
