a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
