Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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