and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
