I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
