So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
