just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
