I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
