i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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