sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
