I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
