every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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