I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
