she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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