Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
