So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
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you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
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I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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