It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
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Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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