literally had 100 drinks last night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
