i can't believe i had my finger in that
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
