Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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