vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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