Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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