Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
