Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
