she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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