Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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