I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This toilet bowl is my home.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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