She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
