What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
