It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
