The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
