Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
