I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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