I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
