i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
