It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
