i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
