Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
