you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
