I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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