but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
