If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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