even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
