Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
