i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
