Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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