i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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