with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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