Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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