i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
