is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
