Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
