No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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