So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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