There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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