it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
