Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
