He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
