yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
