how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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